Book Review: Masquerade (BB #2), by Melissa de la Cruz

Masquerade (Blue Bloods Series #2)Masquerade by Melissa de la Cruz
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Why do we always come here?
I’d really like to know,
It’s like a kind of torture
To have to watch this show!

Ladies and gentlemen, a moment of silence. I now present the immortal Statler and Wardolf. Why? They reach the heights I aspire to when I review books like this. I read ’em like I eat ham & cheese Hot Pockets™, the remnants of taste and general concern for my personal well-being overawed by a sort of vile satiation, forcing a retreat in a general rout from the battlefield of my consciousness as I shove ’em down my maw.

But, why, oh, why do I continue to give the logical errors, gaping plot holes and general silliness of this whole series a pass? What we got this time:

>>>> Bliss & Schulyer go tearing off to a photo shoot on Montserrat (more on this anon), apparently being such super-competent 15 year olds they neither need nor want anything so dowdy as a chaperone.

>>>Schulyer is sent off to live with her erstwhile uncle at the end of the book. Okay, does this make her and Mimi cousins of a sort? But as amusing as that whole bit may or may not shake out, what I found intriguing was the way the author displayed a colossal ignorance of family law and the antics accompanying probate. If nothing else, a judge would yank a 15 y/o in from of them to find out what the kid herself wanted. Not that they would necessarily grant it, but it would weigh heavily in their decision. And was Cordelia’s counsel so grossly inadequate that her will was promptly turned into toilet paper? (Though here as elsewhere, the rich and famous are indeed different. Typically they use trusts, even in jurisdictions probate taxes aren’t onerous, to keep their assets out of a public court filing. Which wills are. But somebody should still be thinkin’ malpractice here.)

>>> Yep. Mimi is selfish. Yep. She didn’t call up a hi-yo “Silver Blood.” No argument there. But, umm, she did want to and did indeed attempt to murder Schulyer, right? And Shulyer drinky-ed de blood, found out the “truth” but somehow missed that l’il ol’ nugget? And grandpa Clampitt or whatever his name is did as well? (Else why call her “innocent?” Mimi = innocent like a barracuda. I think. Or at least until the author decides otherwise.)

>>> Mimi and Jack share EVERYTHING. Or so the books say, here there and everywhere. Yet, Jack either does not know or does not care about the attempted murder tartuffery. But, logically, it must be the latter not the former, based upon what the reader is spoon-fed. So: What every girlie is looking for a boyfriend…one who doesn’t give a shit when it comes to their attempted murder. Cool beans. I guess, upon reflection, this may top the topless 15 y/o chick on chick action of the last book?

>>>>Montserrat – Interestingly, I’m the one who learned something here. I had a vague sense that the island had had a volcanic eruption or two (check), had suffered massive hurricane damage (check) and had been damn near abandoned (nope.) Two thirds of the island is indeed uninhabited and likely uninhabitable for a good while to come, but it is merely implausible that they’d do a “shoot” there. Not impossible, as I first thought. Learn something new every day. I also had a vague sense that the book had mentioned the volcanic fun, but either I am hopeless using my Kindle’s search feature (very possible), my Kindle’s search feature is itself hopeless (ditto), or both of the above. Or the word “volcano” is in fact never mentioned in the book. When for some weird reason I thought it had been.

>>>>Miscellany: Who sent the text to Schulyer for the apres-bash? Bliss didn’t, Mimi sure as hell didn’t, so…was it the work of them thar hi yo Silver Bloods? Or Jack? Dunno. And why all the anguish by Bliss over letting a ‘red-skin-blood’ in on the party secret? There were redskins-bloods galore there any nobody blinked an eye at their presence. Oh, yeah, lastly, how did merely moving to Shanghai make somebody turn from Europid to Oriental again? Especially since the little boy blue bloods aren’t exactly keen on interbreeding with the local population wherever they should find themselves. We dunno, we aren’t told. Yes, there’s the shape-shifty bidness, but that is apparently (a) only temporary and (b) only done powerful little boy blue bloods. Not those not in possession of their full little boy blue blood powers. So, wha’ gives there?

In any event:

Waldorf: That was a medium sketch (errm, book).
Statler: What?
Waldorf: Well, it wasn’t rare, and it certainly wasn’t well-done.
Both: Ho-ho-ho.

Yep. Time for me to join the immortals back in their peanut gallery. And like them, some obviously deep character flaw keeps me comin’ back. I think I used the phrase “oddly compelling” in my review of the first book. Sums it up nicely.

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